11.21.08

Armor Turkey

Posted in Knightly Tales at 1:35 am by Administrator

A long, long time ago….

There was a Turkey named Rupert. He was a simple stable turkey… so simple that some called him Simple Roo and made rather unsettling songs and jingles about him - capitalizing on the fact that Roo rhymed with a very foul thing, we shall leave it at that. This made Rupert sad. And as we all know there is nothing more sad than a crying turkey. He was the loneliest turkey in the world. That is until Charles came along.

Charles V was a great lord and warrior of the medieval era. He was known for being lordly and warrior-like in everything that he did. One day, Charles numero cinco was strolling around his “kingdamn” (he thought that sounded much cooler than kingdom - what a tool), when as he approached one of the local stables a squire said to him “Lordy-Yo! Charles Cinco you are looking totally awesome today and your hair is looking majorly warrior-like!” This was odd since he was completely devoid of hair on his head.

“Thanks Deebag (common medieval-speak)” said Chuckness V as he made a very lord-like gesture. Then like fate had brought them together, he locked gazes with Rupert the Stable Turkey.

Chuckness adopted this little friend and brought him home. He fed him well and they quickly became great friends. He even gave him his favorite shield and helmet, which fit Rupert surprisingly well. One day he told Rupert, “I dub thee Armor Turkey; Rupert Armor Turkey.” He was instantly made s’awesome. Then the unexpected happened. As Charles V was dubbing Roo, he tripped and chopped off his head… sending him into a running fit. So to stop the bleeding and save his little friend, Chuckness V ate him.

The moral of this story? Don’t play with swords and shields with your friends, but it is ok to use them to prepare your turkey. In fact, it might just make you a little bit cooler to whip out your 7 foot claymore and show your turkey who’s the boss (hint: it’s not Tony Danza).